NO JOKING!!!

Long ago I went to China with a friend who was adopting a little girl.  China was fantastic.  The locals we met were talented, hard-working, and friendly.  We enjoyed seeing the sights and checking out local cuisine.  We soon learned, however, that while the police were welcoming and helpful, we needed to avoid Chinese soldiers. It seemed that they didn’t want us there.

On our last day in China, our guide took us to the U.S. embassy to fill out some papers before our flight.  I was homesick and was a little frazzled by that point.   As we got out of the car, I was concerned to see a group of Chinese soldiers approaching us.  The guide explained that they had to search us before we went into the embassy. 

Frustrated, I whispered to my companion, “I hope they don’t find the revolver in my purse.”  Apparently Chinese soldiers have acute hearing and speak English.  As they swarmed me and my purse, our guide panicked and repeatedly said, “NO JOKING!!!”  Finding nothing of interest in the purse, the soldiers angrily sent us on our way.  Other comedians have not been so lucky.

In 1986, Trygve Bauge took his mother to the Denver airport where she was scheduled to fly to Norway.  When the agent saw two people but only one ticket, she asked how many were traveling on the flight.  Bauge answered that his mother was the passenger and that he was only there to “hijack the plane.”  The agent warned Bauge that it was dangerous to make jokes in an airport, but he exclaimed, “This is a free county, and as a member of the Libertarian political party” he believed in freedom of speech. 

When the police arrived, Bauge refused to answer any questions without his lawyer being present.  He ordered the police to advise him of his Miranda rights.  Frustrated, they arrested Bauge and threw him in a holding cell. 

While locked up, Bauge “penned a list of grievances against the police.”  When they came to transport him to the local jail, he insisted on reading this “legal notification” to them.  They responded by confiscating Bauge’s pencil and paper.  They kept him under lock and key for ten days. They also reported him to the FBI and the Immigration and Naturalization Service.  INS confined him for another four days.  A federal lawsuit ensued.

Among other arguments, Bauge reminded that court that in 1984, Ronald Reagan jokingly told folks, “We have outlawed Russia forever.  We begin bombing in five minutes.”  How could the President get away with joking about a nuclear bomb while Bauge ended up in jail for joking about a hijacking?

He also pointed out that lots of folks know someone named “Jack.”  He asked, “If you were to greet him with ‘Hi, Jack’ would they call out the SWAT team?”

When these arguments fell on deaf ears, Bauge claimed that he had received rough treatment because he was Norwegian.  The Court responded, “I have never heard of, and – aside from a modest aversion to Greig or a bad experience in the Winter Olympics – can conceive of no basis for, racially based antipathy towards Norwegians. . . I find the idea that the Denver City Police Department is seething with officers bearing a grudge against Norway, fanciful in the extreme.”  The Court tossed Bauge’s claim.  A few years later, INS deported him to Norway.

Bauge is one of many people who learned that joking in airports can be dangerous.  In 2014, a physician made a comment about carrying a bomb.  The airport closed down, a bomb squad came in, and the doctor was fined $90,000. 

As for me, I have learned that joking with authority figures can be dangerous.  When I see my friend “Jack” in the airport, I’m careful to say, “Hello, Jack.”  I’ve even warned my sons, whose last names are “Solberg,” to never listen to Greig or even ABBA when they are anywhere near Denver.  After all, one can’t be too careful.

Another One Bites the Dust

A federal court has thrown out the core provisions of the Texas psychologist licensing law.  That law is almost identical to the laws governing North Carolina psychologists.

The plaintiff, Dr. Mary Louise Serafine, had completed a four-year post-doctoral fellowship in psychology at Yale.  Genetic Psychology Monographs published her Ph.D. dissertation.  She was a professor in the Yale and Vassar psychology departments.  Finally, she had a law degree from Yale. Despite these impressive credentials, she is not eligible for licensure as a psychologist in Texas because she does not have a doctorate from a qualifying program. 

Despite being unlicensed, she called herself a “psychologist,” taught seminars, and provided one-on-one patient counseling.  But it was not until she ran for the Texas Senate that she caught the attention of the Texas Psychology Board.  The Board ordered her to stop using the title “psychologist” and to stop providing “psychological services” in Texas.  Serafine sued the Texas Board arguing that its laws violated her right to free speech.

The appellate court agreed with Serafine.  I’m sure that her impeccable credentials had a big influence on the Court’s ruling.  Had she been a pedophile whose claims to be a “child psychologist” had lured hundreds of children to their deaths, the case may have gone the other way.

Serafine pointed out that the Texas statute gave the Board power to close down Alcoholics Anonymous, Weight-Watchers, self-help groups, life-coaches, yoga teachers, political consultants, and golf professionals.  Citing a recent case in which the Kentucky Psychology Board went after a newspaper advice columnist, the Texas Court agreed that licensing laws have been used to prohibit activities protected by the first amendment. 

The Court wrote “The ability to provide guidance about the common problems of life – marriage, children, alcohol, health – is a foundation of human interaction and society, whether this advice be found in an almanac, at the feet of grandparents, or in a circle of friends.”

Recently licensing boards have lost many federal court cases throughout the country.  In 2013, a federal court threw out an attempt by the N.C. Board of Dietetics to stop Steve Cooksey, the “Caveman Blogger,” from giving dietary advice.  The courts also prohibited the N.C. Dental Board from regulating tooth whitening.  A Dental Board in Texas can no longer regulate advertising by dentists who claim to be specialists in areas not approved by the American Dental Association.

After the Serafine ruling, Texas began revising its psychology laws.  The next round of litigation will determine whether less restrictive licensing laws will survive judicial scrutiny.  If not, consumers may find themselves at the mercy of a legion of ill-informed advisors.

It is true that before the Internet, Americans relied on almanacs, grandparents, and friends for guidance.  They also innocently relied on “snake oil” salesmen who killed many with deadly potions.  To protect us from these dangers, every state in this country passed laws requiring training and monitoring of physicians, psychologists, lawyers, dentists and others.

While Grandma’s advice could lead the members of her family astray, Internet quacks can harm millions.  Courts will continue to balance the need to protect against these dangers with the need to allow free expression of ideas.  Hopefully, carefully drafted licensing laws can accomplish both goals.

Frozen Dead Guy

Our story begins in Norway when Bredo Morstoel died of a heart condition in 1989.  Shortly after his death his daughter, Aud, and his grandson, Trygve, decided to freeze him so that he could be revived if and when scientists discovered a cure for his heart ailment.  The pair shipped the corpse to a cryonic facility in California where it stayed for three years. 

Eventually Bredo’s kin decided to create their own cryonic facility.  Apparently Norway wasn’t cold enough so they came to Colorado, bought some land, built a primitive house, and brought in a Tuff Shed to house Bredo.  They stored him in a plywood box with foam and hauled in truckloads of dry ice to keep his temperature down.    

Because Trygve had overstayed his visa, the U.S. government deported him, leaving Aud to care for Bredo on her own.  Eventually, word got out that her home had no electricity or plumbing.  As this violated local zoning laws, the city fathers ordered her to leave the property.  Aud informed the city that her dad was frozen in a shed in the back yard.  She feared that he’d thaw out if she had to leave.  She also divulged that another man, Al Campbell from Chicago, was in the box with her Dad.  Al’s folks wanted Al kept on ice until a cure could be found for his liver disease.

All of this was too creepy for the leaders of Nederland.  They swiftly passed a law prohibiting the keeping of dead parts of any “biological” species, including but not limited to humans or animals.  They exempted “carcasses” of people who were buried in a cemetery or stored in a research facility.  They also allowed cremated ashes to be stored in residences. 

But the ordinance may be overly broad.  It literally prohibits hunters from mounting deer heads on the wall.  It outlaws displaying a stuffed owl or a prized trout.  Owning a mink coat or leather belt may be illegal.  As Trygve’s attorney pointed out, the ordinance literally prohibits homeowners from keeping turkeys and vegetables in their refrigerators.

Some local residents didn’t want to let the dead bodies go.  They formed a Freeze Tax Waste Committee to fight the law.  Meanwhile, Mayor Brown vowed, “I won’t allow this to be turned into a dog and pony show!”

Eventually, the pro-Bredo forces sold the town leaders on the idea that Bredo could help pump up the local economy.  Believing that thousands of tourists would want to come to Nederland to celebrate a dead guy kept in a backyard shed, they began working on a Frozen Dead Guy celebration.  The idea took off.  The festival is now one of the most popular in Colorado.

Each March, Nederland’s population swells with folks who gather to “honor” Bredo.  The celebrations include coffin races, a slow-motion hearse parade, frozen tee shirt contests, a “polar plunge”, numerous musical performances, a frozen turkey bowl, and a frozen fish toss. Tours of the Tuff Shed help fund Bredo’s maintenance.  There was even a movie titled “Grandpa’s in the Tuff Shed” and a sequel “Grandpa’s Still in the Tuff Shed.” Out of deference to the Mayor, there is no dog and pony show.

So, what happened to the ordinance?  Despite potential litigation from companies like Bird’s Eye, Green Giant, the National Taxidermists Association, and the Fur Information Council of America, Nederland has left the law on the books. Perhaps they’re OK with one or two frozen dead guys hanging around, but they may want to use the ordinance to keep out additional corpses. After all, they don’t want to be the site of the next zombie apocalypse.