Leprechauns and the Law - The Last Laugh

The European Union recently enacted a law protecting leprechauns. To appreciate this law and it impact, it’s important to learn about leprechauns. Perhaps the best source of information is a poem by Robert Dwyer Joyce. He tells of an Irish man who hears a “tick tack tic” one moonlit night. He follows the sound to a “shady nook” and spies a leprechaun. The little man is wearing a “scarlet coat and cap of green.” He has a jug of mountain dew by his side. He’s working away cobbling a tiny fairy dancing shoe. There is mischief in his face and a twinkle in his eye. The poet warns us that as the man laughed to think of catching the little fairy and his pot of gold, “the fairy was laughing too.” The man grabs the leprechaun and demands his gold. The fairy tells him that his purse is “in her hand”- “the lady by your side.” The man turns to see the lady and the leprechaun disappears. As every skilled leprechaun hunter knows, if you take your eyes off the leprechaun even for an instant, he will disappear. Joyce tells us that the man laughed “to think what a fool” he’d been. Joyce says “the fairy was laughing, too.”

But aren’t leprechauns the stuff of folklore? We know that the European lawmakers think they’re real. But what do our American courts tell us about leprechauns? This is what I found:
1. Leprechauns are very creative. In a contract dispute, one judge ruled that “It would require the imagination of a leprechaun to” interpret the contract to cover the situation before the court.
2. We love leprechauns. In a lawsuit over lawn ornaments, a judge noted that leprechauns “evoke feelings – positive, warm feelings in all but the most grumpy.”
3. Humans often hunt leprechauns looking for easy money. One judge cautioned against courts that create new grounds for lawsuits. He said such courts “invite parties and their lawyers to stalk lawsuits as if they were leprechauns.”
4. Leprechauns can disappear quickly. One lady suing for sexual harassment claimed that her employer sniffed her all over and then “ran off like a little leprechaun” with a “smirk on his face.”
5. Seeing a leprechaun may be a sign of dementia. In one competency hearing, the court decided that an older lady who saw leprechauns in her hospital room was incompetent. She tried to explain away the leprechaun vision by saying that the leprechaun was really a priest wearing a pointy hat who came to help her to the bathroom. I was buying her story until she mentioned the physician who did cartwheels over her bed as he explained her insurance benefits. We all know that doctors know nothing about health insurance.
6. Unfortunately, some evil doers have latched onto the leprechaun image. One court tells of a gang in Nevada whose members wear leprechaun tattoos. The state argued that the defendant’s wearing of the tattoo was evidence of his gang membership.
7. In prison, a “leprechaun” is a member of the Aryan Brotherhood who doesn’t wear tattoos. (These guys must have heard about the Nevada gang case.)
8. Another case involved a deputy who identified a small green pill as the drug “ecstasy” when he saw it on a suspect. He admitted that ecstasy pills usually have a leprechaun image stamped on them, but since the pill was green, he felt justified in seizing the pill even though it had no leprechaun stamp.
By the way, the lab confirmed the deputy’s suspicions - it was an ecstasy pill.

The people of Carlingford, Ireland, sponsored the European law protecting leprechauns. Claiming that their community is full of leprechauns, they sponsor annual leprechaun hunts for tourists. To give their claim more credibility, they lobbied to have their lands classified as a “Special Protection Area” under the “Birds Directive” laws of 1979. The lawmakers obliged and enacted a provision protecting the “flora, fauna” and “little people” of Carlingford.

Once again, the leprechauns have had the last laugh. The new law requires Carlingford to post signs in the area stating that “Hunters will be Prosecuted.” And, anyone who engages in “potentially damaging operations” to the “resting places” of the leprechauns will be prosecuted.

From what I can determine, British courts impose strict liability against anyone who “damages” the protected areas. So, if you show up, pay 5 Euro for your hunting license, and go trooping about the area looking for leprechauns, any incidental damage to the area resulting from your search is a violation of the law even if you didn’t intend to cause damage. A cautious tourist would be well advised by his legal counsel to avoid the leprechaun hunt. At least the little folk of Carlingford can rest easy now that they are legally protected! I ask you, who’s laughing now?